Finding My Healthy Part 2: The Ramifications of an Unhealthy Lifestyle

The ramifications of eating trying not to eat, binging, sugar, and eating non-nutrient dense foods was I got sick.  Looking back at what I was doing to my body it is no surprise that I got sick. What is surprising is that I did not get sick sooner.  My body had enough and sent me a very loud and miserable message.

I needed more of this.

I was never a big milk drinker and had started drinking more for calcium, really not the best way to get more calcium, go for some kale instead. I think I always had a mild allergy but with the increases intake of milk I started getting migraines and was snotty leading to sinus infections.  It took me about a year to identify what my migraine trigger was.  I went dairy free, it sucked.  I love cheese and was pretty pissed off about not being able to eat cheese pizza.

And less of this.

Candida was rampant in my body fueled by the large amount of sugar I consumed.  My skin was rashy on my face and digestive tract was inflamed and not healthy.  Yet more dietary changes to get rid of this.  When my acupuncturists handed me the do not eat list for candida, I almost cried.

Not eating had left me with cold hands and feet, that once fall hit never warmed up once they were cold.  Hello classic symptom of under eating. My head was an oil slick, while my body was dry a result of not enough omega-3s in my diet.

I always had a headache, my energy was low, dinner was often sugar, milk in the smallest amounts would give me a three day migraine, poop issues, etc.  This was one of the most miserable times in my life and I did it to myself.  It took awhile to start getting healthy, but other than not being able to drink milk and a random migraine, usually hormone induced, I healed my body by eating real food.

Full and Still not Satisfied

Today was one of those where I never felt satisfied with what I ate.  I felt full.  Why wasn’t I sated? It is a weird combo to have, not hungry but not satisfied.  It makes me want to keep eating until I do feel satisfied and who knows when or what will sate. One hears eat until almost full and then stop and it sounds so simple, so easy.  But sometimes it isn’t.  Today’s dissatisfaction started with a salad that originally sounded good, but had been shoved in back of the fridge and some of it had froze.  The pork and bread stick were fine, but what was the bulk of my lunch was meh.

No longer forbidden.

Dissatisfaction and being full rarely happens for me anymore. I make a point of listening to what my body is telling me to eat.  Doing this has helped me create a healthy relationship with food.  There were times when I had the dos and don’ts list of foods that I should or shouldn’t eat. This would end in full on binges or I’d end up full and not satisfied which lead to overeating.  In the long run if I should have just ate the grilled cheese sandwich or the cake, I would have ate less.

Eat food that you love and eat it because you love it not because you should or it is healthy.  You do not build a manner of eating that you can live with if that is your mindset. Find your healthy, try new things, retry old things and most of all enjoy what you eat.

Finding My Healthy: Part 1

There was a time in my life when my disordered eating habits finally caught up with me.  I would avoid eating until two in the afternoon and then as little food as I could manage. I worked nights so waking up mid-morning was normal. It was coffee, diet coke, and water to keep me full. It didn’t feel like disorder.  I basked in the complements of how thin and skinny I was.  

Me 6 years ago, before I started lifting. Not at my heaviest but close to it.

Fast forward a few years later.  I couldn't keep up with the not eating and starving myself.  I started eating and I didn’t really know how anymore. There were binges, being so full and miserable, and the attempts to restrict that failed more and more often at this point.  So I took to skipping real food, these were the nights when I would eat half a bag of candy for dinner.  We are talking family sized not small bags.

Few more years later and in the midst of a bad break up.  I just ate and ate and ate.  How do you cope with emotions.  I eat.  I am an emo eater, always will be.  There was weight gain, there were freakouts about the weight gain, and there were some big choices that needed to be made. It was time to put an end to the disorder and create something new.  The something new has taken years but it has been worth it.